The Cullens Meet Dr Phil
by TwilightGeek
Summary: The Cullens get marrage counseling on the Dr.Phil Show. Yes i do make fun of Dr.Phil but hey so did Scary Movie 4.
1. Chapter 1

**Rosalie**

I was walking out of the house when something dinged off my leg. I got shot. Emmett was so DEAD.

"EMMETT CULLEN" I screamed. I was going to make him wish he was never turned into a vampire.

"EMMETT CULLEN I know your there get out here NOW"

**Emmett**

CRAP I was so dead.

"EMMETT CULLEN I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR MORONIC PRANKS…

**MEANWHILE**

**Carlisle**

" **Carlisle do you love me"**

"**Of coarse I Love you"**

"**How much do you love me"**

**God did this women ever shut up.**

**Alice**

**I walked in to Jaspers office looking for a little love but Jasper was deep in his work. What the hell do you have to work on when you're a vampire and there is no school.**

"**Hey Jazzy what you working on" I said in my most tolaratable voice.**

"**Not now Alice I'm working go play Barbie with Bella"**

**Oh no he didn't there's one thing you don't do and that is mess with Alice Freaking Cullen.**

**Bella **

"**I love you Edward"**

"**I love you Bella"**

"**I Love you more Edward"**

"**No I love you more Bella"(barf hey someone had to have a good relationship.**

**Edward**

"**Everyone Get your butts down here" Ok now I was pissed. Everyone was soon in the living room. **

"**Me and Bella are tired of hearing everyone complaining and fighting so where going to marriage counseling but not just any marriage counseling where going on the Dr. Phil Show.**

"**What the Hell" Emmett**

"**Damn" Jasper**

"**Crap" Carlisle**

"**YAY" Esme**

"**I have to get my hair done" Rosalie**

"**I have to get my hair and nails done oh and I have to get the Porsche shined and I have nothing to wear." Alice DUH**


	2. stupid computer

OK I probably wont have another chapter for awhile Because my computer is broken

OK I probably wont have another chapter for awhile Because my computer is broken. Darn


	3. Chapter 2

Dr. Phil

God I am so tired of all these trouble families divas and spoiled brats. I bet these CULLENS are going To be a full nut job pain in the ass… Why is that Edward Cullen guy staring at me.

EDWARD

Why did I do this this guy is an imbecile.

(I'm gonna try a new format)

Dr.Phil: Today I'm here with the Cullen's a family filled with relationships. Now Dr. Cullen why don't you introduce your family.

Carlisle: OK, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen this is my wife Esme. That is Rosalie and Emmett there married. Alice and Jasper are married and Jasper and Rosalie are twins and finally Edward and Bella they are engaged. Bella isn't part of my family yet but she is like a daughter to me and my wife.

Dr.Phil: Oh this is going to be great. I should have been an electrician(Haha scary movie reference) Why does that Edward keep looking at me funny

Edward: imbecile

Dr.Phil: So lets go over your couple problems. Why don't you start Carlisle and Esme.

Carlisle: well…

Esme: shut up dear Well Doctor I fell that we have been together for so long that wee need something to spice up our relationship.

Carlisle: Grrr, he's not even a real Doctor

Dr.Phil: Ok ,What about you Rosalie

Rosalie: I an tired of Emmett's immaturity, he needs to grow up.

Dr.Phil: ok what about you Alice.

Alice: Jasper never has any time for me its all about his work. I don't even know what he does

Dr. Phil: Ok what's your problem Edward

Edward: Me and Bella don't have any problem

Dr.Phil: yea right this family is insane god that Edward keeps looking at me.

Edward: Our only problem is these people fighting and never giving us peace we would like to have a physical relationship too but we cant cauz these homies always going ghetto with there ho's

(Why the hell did Edward go a wangster the world will never know, MUHAHAHA … sorry.

Carlisle&Esme: What?

Emmett: YEA

Rosalie: shut up

Jasper:??

Alice: DeathGlare


	4. Chapter 4

Dr. Phil:Its obvious what these couples need to do.

Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett: Get new ho's (god why does everyone keep going wangster)

Dr. Phil: NO!! What I think these couples need to re discover there love so there going to have to do three things

**Alice suddenly jumps out of her chair and starts skipping in a circle singing Low**

Edward: Damn

Dr. Phil: First you are going to go all American Gladiator on each other and compete girls vs. guys, then the girls are going to lock the boys in a closet and read them mushy poetry… MUAHAHAHAHA… then the boys will get a day and the girls have to do what ever they ask then the girls will get the same thing.

Emmett: but if I am right the girls get an extra day.

Edward: Really!

Carlisle: NO WAY

Jasper: No shit Sherlock, this is why I do our taxes… and balance the check book…and manage the money…. What would they do without me.

Edward: Celebrate

**Dr. Phil and the Cullens except jasper getup and start singing and dancing**

Yahoo! This is your celebrationYahoo! This is your celebrationCelebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)There's a party goin' on right hereA celebration to last throughout the yearsSo bring your good times, and your laughter tooWe gonna celebrate your party with youCome on nowCelebrationLet's all celebrate and have a good timeCelebrationWe gonna celebrate and have a good timeIt's time to come togetherIt's up to you, what's your pleasureEveryone around the worldCome on!Yahoo! It's a celebrationYahoo!Celebrate good times, come on!It's a celebrationCelebrate good times, come on!Let's celebrateWe're gonna have a good time tonightLet's celebrate, it's all rightWe're gonna have a good time tonightLet's celebrate, it's all rightBaby...We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)Let's celebrate, it's all rightWe're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)Let's celebrate, it's all rightYahoo!Yahoo!Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)Celebrate good times, come on!It's a celebration!Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)(ad lib)Come on and celebrate, good times, tonight (Celebrate good times, come on!)'Cause everything's gonna be all rightLet's celebrate (Celebrate good times, come on)(Let's celebrate


	5. Chapter 5

ok so i have been really busy so heres the next chapter

**The next day**

Dr. Phil: Now each couple is standing on a pedestal. Now when I blow this whistle you are going to start hitting each other with these jousting sticks and try to knock each other off. Ok ready . Go.

(Now you can either use your imagination or you can read what I wrote)

Bella and Edward jumped down and disappeared. THEY WENT TO NARNIA!!!

Alice put on the puppy face and when Jasper leaned in to hug her she Went All Jackie Chan on His Ass.

Esme and Carlisle sat down.

Esme: Carlisle darling I'm thirsty (Carlisle stands Up)

Carlisle: then drink this ( he whacks her across the face)

Esme: Oh HELL NO!!! (Please don't let Esme go wangster too)

Rosalie hit Emmett… Emmett hit Rosalie hit Emmett with a rage so great that Emmett flew out the window.

Dr. Phil: Is Your family on crack!?!?!?

………………………………........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Maybe

: I mean Edward and Bella go to Narnia, Rosalie knocked Emmett out of a window. I mean seriously!!!

Its nutcases like YOU PEOPLE that make me wish I was trapped by an evil puppet with shaq and we hydroscope by cutting of our foot but I cut of the wrong foot and die a slow and painful DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

………………………………......................................................................................................................0_0

WTF?????

starts singing

Yahoo! This is your celebrationYahoo! This is your celebrationCelebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)There's a party goin' on right hereA celebration to last throughout the yearsSo bring your good times, and your laughter tooWe gonna celebrate your party with youCome on nowCelebrationLet's all celebrate and have a good timeCelebrationWe gonna celebrate and have a good timeIt's time to come togetherIt's up to you, what's your pleasureEveryone around the worldCome on!Yahoo! It's a celebrationYahoo!Celebrate good times, come on!It's a celebrationCelebrate good times, come on!Let's celebrateWe're gonna have a good time tonightLet's celebrate, it's all rightWe're gonna have a good time tonightLet's celebrate, it's all rightBaby...We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)Let's celebrate, it's all rightWe're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)Let's celebrate, it's all rightYahoo!Yahoo!Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)Celebrate good times, come on!It's a celebration!Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)(ad lib)Come on and celebrate, good times, tonight (Celebrate good times, come on!)'Cause everything's gonna be all rightLet's celebrate (Celebrate good times, come on)(Let's celebrate


End file.
